it's daunting to noe that every decision i make now will affect me in the future.
& as i wasted my holidays doing nothing at all, the more regret i felt.
i dont even know what i want.
i dont even know which path i wanna go
i dont even know if i can lead others when i cant even lead myself to the right path
i am afraid that i will not make it.
i wanna do well but i'm reluctant to do anything about it
i just keep wasting my holidays. doing nothing productive at all.
i feel like crying.
i feel stressed
& i suddenly realise that with everyone having their own stuff to do, i'm left here all alone.
my poly friends have exams & schools
my JC friends are working. if not, they're revising.
it suddenly daunt on me that i may be drifting apart from them
it really scares me. sigh. why is it that every single things has to be done a certain way.
if i make one stupid mistake, i will be looked down upon.
if i say anything wrong, i'll be neglected.
why is that so.

ever felt like the whole world is against you?
i've been there. done that.
& i thnk what i did was to just to let it go through one ear & out the other.
there is no use thinking about it.
if thinking is the best solution, i guess everyone will be thinking 24/7 & no action produced.
look! i cant even figure out what i'm thinking
and as i typed, i'm thinking rubbish.

remember when i said i found a way to calm down when i'm irritated?
but for this particular case, my method's not working.
so let me just say it out here if i may.

in front of everybody, you act like you are the good kid. everyone loves you. you make them laugh. dream on. you think everyone likes you for your good personality but in fact, you are making them hate you. like. come on. the sight of you just irks me. like you keep saying you are this certain way, but in fact, your just a pervert ass! you get close to a girl. no correction. to a lot of girls. and claim that they are pretty. & expect them to be your friend. HELLO. i've seen through you. you can stop asking now. to heck with the story that you are from this family. so what. do i give a damn. i just wished you didnt had to enter my life in the first place and make me hate you to the core. i don't even wanna speak to you anymore or even see your face. let's just act as strangers. i dont even wanna make friends with you even if we just met.

well. whoever i'm talking about. for you readers. if u wanna assume that i'm talking about you, then you can tag right ahead whatever you wanna say to me. but let me remind you. i might not be talking about you. then you'll just make an ASS of yourself. not me. i repeat. i did not state any names here. so don't go around telling people that i bitched about your best friend.

i think after all the stuff that i had type a few minutes ago, i don't know what's my point in telling all of you this.

maybe we are all too busy to see what's happening around us.
it's always like that. why cant i just make up my freaking mind. i'm always fickle-minded.
maybe that's why i choose to always take the easy way out.
sigh. someone just talk to me. i think i need a listening ear. and some advice.
well.anyone wanna acc me & not talk at all when we're out? i just don't feel like talking.